Arlington, VA

On March 26th I traveled back to the US to sit on an unnamed federal government review panel (confidentiality rules prohibit me identifying it - it's like secret spy stuff!) It was quite an interesting experience returning to the United States for the very first time since our Big Move to Munich.

Our trusty steed, ready to depart Munich.

Almost done with the ~8 hour flight!

Some of my airplane reading. Anyone see anything wrong with this pronouncement of "unacceptable behavior"? (Hint: try replacing 'atheism' with, say, 'Buddahism', or 'women's rights'.)

It's been over 6 months, and it was interesting to see how my perceptions had shifted ever so slightly. I must admit to a pulse of warm pride entering the passport queue under the "Welcome to the United States" sign. This was quickly doused by the 20 minute wait, but such is life.

Mmmmm.... really good beer. Don't get me started on how I can't find a really good beer in Germany.

During my visit I was able to visit my old pals, Steve and Carrie Haase. This was the first time I saw their son Christopher, who is about 6 months old. Christopher is a wonderful kid - clear proof that genetics works (and that he is the fortunate recipient of Carrie's).

"Just call me babe magnet."

Yes, those are sweet potatoes in the ice tray. Special mother trick passed down through the Garner line.

One of the ulterior motives in making the trip was to indulge in some much-desired shopping for those things we can't seem to find in Germany. Some of you may be saying, "suck it up, find different things in Germany to like" - and you're altogether correct to do so - but it's hard to resist the opportunity to bring back a load of some good home cookin' to help ease our transition into Bavarian living.

For some reason, I can't find a good bagel in Germany.

So, I had a protracted and intimate visit of both a local Safeway and local Target store, and also took the opportunity to beat the bushes for uniquely American comfort food: Arby's. (McDonald's, Starbucks, and even Burger King don't qualify, having invaded the Older Continent some time ago. Plus, they're by and large just plain icky.)

Shopping!

Suitcase #1: Goldfish, Peanut Butter Crunch, cookie mix. Doritos were included just to fill out the bag.

Suitcase #2: Peanut butter, laundry.

Alas, my time in the US was far too short, and my experience with United for the return was *far* too nasty. Since I'm now a resident of Germany, and primarily flying Lufthansa, I'm switching from being a loyal member of United's frequent flier club to being one of Lufthansa's. But, since it's one big happy friggin' Star Alliance family, it's no big deal, right?

My evil United 777.

Uh, that'd be a big fat no, sportsfans. I checked in, waving around the magic Gold Premiere Executive United card (gives average Magic User Astronomers a +8 on their Charisma, and a +12 on their Save Versus Economy Class roll) and I was told I couldn't get into the much envied Economy Plus seating class (you know, the one designed like you actually /have/ legs and a lower torso in general) since I wasn't Premiere Executive or even (gasp!) a lowly Premiere member. I continued to swing the card around like a scythe, hoping it could cut through the check-in agent's stony faced recitation of the positively bizzare rule, and had to resort of shameless, effusive charm instead. Thus, I ended up with a seat in Economy Plus, having the $80 dollar fee promoting me from plain vanilla Economy waived, but trapped in a dreaded middle seat - no window, no aisle available, she said. Check at the gate.

Waiting to board, thinking very nasty thoughts about a very nasty gate agent.

The gate proved to be a problem, being staffed by what appeared to be a demon from the 5th or 6th level of hell, cleverly disguised as a pitchfork-voiced middle aged woman from the local area. She informed me that yes, they had an aisle or even a window seat available, but she'd have to charge me that $80. To move me - from Economy Plus to Economy Plus. She also took it upon herself to strenously reiterate the aforementioned Bizzare Rule - that I wasn't Premiere Executive even though I had my Magic Clubmember Card proof to the contrary.

Anyway, to make a long story long, upon takeoff (seated, sandwiched between a family & a businessman in a middle seat), I noticed there were two seats all by themselves, available right next to us in Economy Plus. That prompted me to violate one of the sixteen hundred invoilate FAA Rules of Flight and I moved my behind into one of those seats before the seatbelt light went out. A good outcome, but one that made me curse the Demon Gate Agent all the more.

So, here is my Message to United: remember, remember, remember that I have a choice with whom I fly. In fact, having moved to Germany and making the switch to a new carrier, I am sitting on the crux of a choice to stick with Star Alliance or not. If you, United, feel for some reason that your membership in Star Alliance is worth something - and want us to feel the same way - then accord the members of your partner airlines the considerations they've earned by seeing altogether way too much of the inside of a flying round sardine can. More importantly, don't take it upon to disenfranchise your current flying club members (my card does say "Expires in Feb 2009") because we've decided to start dating your sibling instead of you. It's all too tempting to look much more closely at SkyTeam or OneWorld at this particular juncture.